


You Could Be Everything, You Could Be Nothing

by squigglyjoe



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-06-29 18:51:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15735315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squigglyjoe/pseuds/squigglyjoe
Summary: Steve has a revelation after a break-up, it could be the start of something or it could be the end of everything.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had an idea and it spiralled. I'm not sure which way it's going yet but thought I'd post and see how you lovely readers responded before making any final decisions. It's a little bit cliffhanger-y so I apologise for that but this is only the first chapter. There is more to come if you want it. Enjoy, or don't.

Steve’s head turns when he hears a key in the door and he freeze’s, bent over the couch, gathering up the blue comforter he left in his rush to be gone from this place.

Having not expected the intrusion Steve is shocked by his ex’s sudden appearance. Though he does experience a sort of sick sense of gratification when James’ eyes bug out upon seeing him standing in his living room. Steve somehow manages to keep the surprise from his face, or at least, he hopes he does.

“What are you doing here, Steve?” James speaks mostly into the floor, _to avoid eye contact, probably, the coward_. Steve is surprised by the venom in that thought, given that he and James were only together for 8 months, a relatively short period in his 27 years of existence, though it still bothers him that it ended the way it did.

To his credit, he looks straight at James as he speaks, though he fails to hide the vexation in his tone.  “Picking up my stuff,”-he roughly folds the blanket and places it in his holdall, as if to make his point-“like I told you I would be, on Monday.” Steve adds distractedly, knowing that he sent a text and James replied saying he would make himself scarce for the duration of Steve’s visit.

“I assumed you’d be gone by now.” James says far too nonchalantly, _he totally forgot,_ Steve thinks with an eye roll.

Steve goes back to collecting his belongings, picking up one of his sketchbooks from the coffee table. “I assumed you’d be out longer, so we could avoid this…” he motions the space between them, hoping, somehow, to encompass the awkward tension that has filled the apartment.

“Don’t be an ass, this is my apartment I have every right to be here” James responds, with so much indignation, Steve’s barely able to hold back an undignified snort, he hopes he covers it with a forced cough.

“I’m just picking up my stuff, I’m mostly done, I’ll be out of your way soon enough.” He says after taking a second to recompose himself.

“Well, if you hadn’t left me you wouldn’t have to take all your stuff.” _Oh good, here we go again,_ Steve thinks incredulously. There’s a certain level of sullenness in James’ comment, that Steve finds highly amusing, given that it’s entirely his fault that Steve broke it off. He tries to keep his tone light and jovial as he responds, “Well, if you hadn’t cheated on me I wouldn’t have left.”

He takes a breath and continues packing his holdall with books from the coffee table in the hopes that it’ll distract them both and they can avoid an escalation from bickering to arguing. He quickly continues, to prevent James from responding. “I didn’t come here to fight with you,” _the fact that I have to say that at all should tell you everything you need to know about the state of our ‘relationship’,_ he considers saying that aloud but thinks better of it _._ Steve suddenly feels drained and just wants to go home, so he decides he has everything he needs and starts to zip up his bag. “If you find anything else just send it to my place,” he says.

James stays quite for a while, so Steve assumes they’re done with their conversation and he can leave quietly and never come back. Unfortunately, it seems as though James was just taking a moment to formulate a response. “Are you still living with _him_?” He asks, voice full of contempt. Steve knows better than to rise to the bait but biting his tongue has never really been in his nature so he’s quick to reply, “Yes, I’m still living in the same apartment as my roommate.” _We only broke up a week ago,_ Steve adds in his head. The emphasis at the end of that sentence isn’t missed by James, who quickly tries to cause an argument, “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” James asks with a laugh. “I think the words you’re looking for are more along the lines of fuck buddy.” He continues with great relish.

Steve can already tell this isn’t going to go as amicably as he’d hoped. “Don’t start, Tony and I are just friends.” He’s trying really hard to avoid any unnecessary unpleasantness. He can feel himself getting defensive and tries to reign it in.

James scoffs, “Sure you are. I’ll bet he’s thrilled that we broke up. Now he can have you all to himself.” Steve’s now perched on the back of the couch, as a final fuck you to his anally retentive ex, and looks up at the door longingly, wishing he had just left when James came home. He’s lost count of the amount of times they’ve had this conversation, James hated Tony from the moment they met, though Steve’s unsure as to why. Him and Tony are close, but it’s never been more than friendship and Steve has had to defend that friendship almost continuously for the past six months. He can sort of see why James would have found it weird that he willingly gave up his apartment to share one with Tony, but it made financial sense after his previous roommate moved out and the new apartment is a lot better than his old one, he explained all of this at the time, and on numerous occasions afterwards.

“Actually, he was devastated, he really liked you.” Steve says with as a straight a face as he can manage, one final attempt at keeping things mostly good-natured. He actually still likes James as a person and if not for his unfortunate  _indiscretion_ on a drunken night out with ‘The Boys’ he would happily have stayed with him. James’ eyebrows disappear into his hairline, he actually smiles a little, which is almost exactly the reaction Steve had been hoping for. “Yeah well, tell him to keep in touch, we’ll start a book club or something.” James is full on smiling now. “I’ll let him know” Steve relaxes knowing that the situation is somewhat under control.

Steve stands up straight and heads towards the door hoping that he can leave now that they’ve both calmed down. He opens his mouth to say his final good bye,  placing the key to James' apartment down on the table next to the door. James starts speaking before he gets the chance to cross the threshold, “I am sorry, you know” the regret is evident in his voice and Steve almost feels sorry for him. “I know you are” he responds earnestly, and he does know, it just doesn’t change anything, he says as much to James and opens the apartment door. James watches as he leaves and waits until he’s in the hallway before speaking again, “See you around?” he asks hopefully. “Maybe,” Steve says with a small smile as he starts descending the staircase.

 _That could have gone a lot worse,_ Steve thinks as he reaches his car and throws his bag on the back seat. He’s just about to start the engine when his phone rings, ‘Bat out of Hell’ singing through the handset as it vibrates in his pocket. After about 10 seconds of trying to wriggle it out of his jeans pocket he’s finally able to answer it. “Hey Tony, what do you want?” he greets. “Oh good, you’re not dead.” The response he gets doesn’t surprise him, though it does make him smile, Tony has melodramatic tendencies which he is well versed in and they always elicit the same fond reaction from Steve. “Still breathing last I checked” he says leaning back against the headrest waiting for the inevitable.

“We both know that is not the legal or medical definition of being alive Steven” _so predictable_ Steve thinks, his smile widening, “sometimes I think you say these things just because you know they upset me.” Tony kind of sounds like he might cry but Steve knows better than fall for his theatrics. “It’s why I do anything” he replies and continues before Tony can go off on a tangent “what do you want Tony?”

“I’m hungry and we have no food” Steve can hear the pout, “There’s plenty of food in the fridge” he says in a sing song voice “you could always cook something.” The indignant squawk Tony releases has Steve snorting with laughter, “I don’t cook, it’s why I have you, you’ll have to bring me food.” The finality of the statement makes Steve shake his head in exasperation, he won’t argue though, takeout does sound appealing. “What do you want?” He realises that’s the third time he’s asked that since he answered the phone but doesn’t have time to ponder because Tony is replying before he’s even finished speaking. “Thai please” Steve can hear the smile in his voice and wonders when Tony’s well being and happiness became his priority, _maybe_   _James has a point_.

Steve spends the journey home thinking about all the things that James had said in the past about his relationship with Tony. How Tony is obviously in love with him, _he isn’t,_ how Steve drops everything when Tony ‘needs’ him, _he does when it’s important, but he’s just being a good friend._ How, apparently, Tony looks at Steve ‘like he hung the moon’ James' words not Steve’s, Steve doesn’t think this is true, though according to James that’s because Tony only ever does it when Steve isn’t looking, _convenient,_ he thinks cynically. He gets stuck on a particular memory as he pulls into his parking spot at their building, something occurs to him that hadn’t before, and now that he thinks back on it there have been instances where Tony has acted suspiciously, like he was hiding something.

_\--_

_Steve was spending the night at his boyfriends for the first time in weeks, their schedules had been clashing for a while now and they hadn’t had a full night together in what felt like forever. Steve was really looking forward to them spending some quality time with one another._

_He arrived at_   _James'_ _and greeted him with a kiss and they set about organising food and decided to watch a movie. They had just finished eating and were half way through watching ‘The Wedding Singer’ when Steve’s phone started blaring ‘Bat out of Hell’. He’d chosen that as Tony’s personal ringtone as soon as they exchanged numbers, he felt that the song complimented Tony’s whirlwind of a personality and had been satisfied when Tony preened a little when he found out. James looked up at him from his spot in his lap and asked, “Are you gonna answer that?”_

_“Yeah sorry, I’ll tell him I’m busy.” James chuckled, “’Course you will” he added an eye roll for good measure. Steve ignored his comment and told him he’d be back in a minute and extracted himself from the couch to take the call in the kitchen. “Tony, you know I’m with James, why are you calling?” He tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice, Tony rarely interrupted his plans for anything trivial, though he had been known to overreact in certain situations. But then again, most people wouldn’t think a pigeon getting into the apartment through an open window was an emergency, Steve reasoned._

_“I’m sorry, I know it’s your date night, but I need you to come and get me, I didn’t know who else to call.” Tony’s words sound slurred, making Steve sigh, because Tony can drink a lot before he reaches this stage of incoherence. “What do you mean come and get you? Where are you?” Steve asks, he hadn’t known Tony was going out, but they don’t always tell each other everything._

_“I’m at a bar.” There’s something in Tony’s voice that sounds off to Steve and he briefly wonders if Tony might have had something more than alcohol. Steve knows he experimented in his youth, though as far as he knows, Tony hasn’t touched anything in all the years that they’ve been friends. “…he seemed nice enough” Steve realises Tony is still talking, though it seems more to himself than to Steve. He’s is already planning on leaving, he just needs to find out where Tony is. Tony trails off, so Steve doesn’t catch whatever else he says but he tries to get Tony to give him an address. “Tony, tell me where you are” Steve says firmly, trying to get Tony to focus long enough to give him the information he needs. He’ll ask what he took, if anything, when he picks him up. Tony finally gives him an address as Steve is putting on his shoes and gathering his jacket, he’s halfway to the door when he realises someone is saying his name. “Steve! What the hell is going on?” From his tone, Steve realises James must have asked this at least once already and not gotten a response. “Sorry babe, I’ve gotta go, Tony needs me.” Steve replies distantly, trying to figure out the fastest route to the address Tony gave him. Tony’s still on the phone and he can hear him in the background, hiccupping softly,_ probably more than drunk then _Steve thinks dejectedly. “Doesn’t he always” is James' unsympathetic response and he starts speaking again although Steve has no idea what he says. “I don’t have time for this, I’ll explain later, but right now I have to get to Tony.” Steve replies in a voice which brokers no argument._

 _“If you keep running around after him, he’s always gonna expect you to drop everything when he calls” James says,_ he has a point _, Steve concedes internally, but right now all he is thinking about is that Tony called him for help and what kind of a friend would he be if he just left him? “He asked for my help, I have to go” he says as he leaves the apartment._

_He’s a few minutes away from the bar Tony said he was at, his phone on loudspeaker on the passenger seat so he can try and keep Tony talking in the hope that he won’t pass out before Steve gets to him, when he hears another voice on Tony’s end of the line. “Hey sweetheart, you want some company?” The unnamed male sounds lecherous and Steve hopes that Tony is with it enough to know that,_

  1. _he’s still on the phone so it would be highly inappropriate to do anything,_
  2. _that he is in no way, shape or form in a position to consent to anything_
  3. _Steve will be there in less than 2 minutes, so he wouldn’t have time for anything even if he wanted it_



_“Tony, I’ll be there in a minute, just wait for me alright” He hopes Tony doesn’t pick up on the slight panic in his voice though he doubts he’ll notice in his current state. He really doesn’t want to walk in on Tony and some stranger going at it in a bars bathroom, but he fears that may be the case because Tony said something to the creep who’d approached him, his voice sounded awfully sweet._

_“…a great guy, really, so thanks but no thanks.” Steve catches the tail end of Tony’s response as he pulls into the parking lot in front of the bar. It sounded like a brush off so Steve breaths a sigh of relief and tells Tony that he’s here and ask where in the bar he should go. Tony mumbles bathroom and then Steve hears him say to the guy “Sorry, my boyfriends here, I gotta go” before the line goes dead.  Steve has just walked through the bar on his way to the bathrooms at the back of the building when the door opens, and Tony comes stumbling out, looking like he is seconds from falling over, scanning the room, presumably for Steve. Steve heads over when he spots him, and Tony immediately latches onto him when he is within arm’s reach._

_“Hey, you’re here.” Tony says smiling up at him with total adoration, Steve can tell from looking at him that he definitely has more than alcohol in his system and shakes his head as he responds, “Hi Tony, let’s get you home okay?” Tony looks into his eyes and something flickers across his face so quickly that Steve doesn’t have time to decipher it’s meaning, then responds with a simple, soft “yeah, home.” Steve has a feeling that’s not what he planned on saying but he’s far more concerned with getting Tony into the car and letting him sleep off whatever this is. He gently guides Tony out of the bar and into the car._

_They drive most of the way home in silence, Tony looks like he maybe wants to be sick but he’s managing to hold it back, for now. Steve wants to ask what happened, what it was that freaked Tony out so much that he hadn’t just called a cab to get him home,_ it can wait until he’s feeling better, _he thinks as they pull into the parking lot for their building. “We’re home Tony” he says softly, Tony jumps a little, he may have been sleeping, and nods his head once, then opens his door to exit the car. “I’m sorry for ruining your night” he says quietly as Steve locks the car and follows him to the elevator. “It’s fine Tony” Steve says, and then adds, “I’m glad you called. I’m glad you knew that you could.”_

_Tony hasn’t had a lot of reliable people in his life, as far as Steve can tell, so he’s grateful that he ranks highly enough to be called in situations like tonight. “You’re a good friend Steve. I knew you’d come.” Tony’s wearing the softest of smiles as he says this, his speech is still slightly slurred, but he seems less out of it than he was when he first called. Steve thinks he sounds sad, but he may just be tired, or coming down from whatever is in his system. “I’ll always come for you Tony.” He replies sincerely, he realises how that sounds less than a second after he says it, but it’s too late to take it back, and he’s already flushing with embarrassment._

_Tony raises an eyebrow, bursts out laughing and has tears in eyes in an instant,  Steve knows he must be feeling better because he continues to laugh down the entire length of the hallway to their apartment, and the whole time that Steve is trying to unlock the front door through bouts of his own uncontrollable laughter. Tony finally calms down after removing his shoes and jacket, and begins making his way to the kitchen, Steve assumes he’s planning to make himself some coffee so doesn’t question it and follows quietly behind, still snickering to himself._

_“You want coffee?” Tony asks as he flicks the switch on their top of the line coffee machine that Tony insisted was his house warming gift to the both of them when Steve baulked at the price. “Sure” Steve replies still smiling and looking at Tony with a fond sort of exasperation, he’ll never understand how Tony can go from having a crisis to acting like nothing happened in no time at all. “What happened tonight?” Steve finally asks, now that it’s clear that Tony is going to be fine._

_“I think maybe, someone spiked my drink” Tony says with his back to Steve, he offers a shrug and continues preparing to make their coffee.  Steve doesn’t like the nonchalant way he says it and tells him so._

_“What do you want me to say, Steven?” Steve has no idea why Tony sometimes uses his full name, there doesn’t seem to be any pattern to it, sometimes he’s angry, sometimes he’s being playful and other times he’s just being an ass for the sake of it, but it always makes Steve’s tummy flip a little when he does, he likes that Tony’s the only one that calls him that. Tony carries on, unaware of Steve’s inner musings, “I’m fine, shit happens, I felt like crap, I called you.” He says it like that’s the end of it, Steve disagrees. “What do you mean “shit happens”? Tony someone could have assaulted you, or a lot worse!” Steve wants to shake him and tell him never to go out alone again, but he knows that’s unrealistic and never likely to happen. Tony walks around to Steve and puts his hands either side of his face, forcing Steve to make eye contact “Steve, I’m fine, I promise.” Steve had thought for a second that he was going to kiss him. But Tony simply smiled serenely and went to finish making their coffee._

\--

At the time Steve hadn’t questioned how Tony had gone from unable to stand to the intensity of the not-quite-but-could-have-been kiss, he was that glad that he was okay. Now looking back, he thinks that maybe Tony invented an emergency with the intention of ruining his night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations are had and secrets exposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any mistakes are mine and definitely intentional!

Steve spends the elevator ride up to his and Tony’s apartment trying to shake the previous thoughts from his head. He doesn’t want to believe that Tony would be that manipulative but looking back he keeps remembering little things that, at the time, hadn’t seemed important, but with hindsight may all be connected.

He sees Tony nestled into the right side of the couch when he enters and tries not to let his suspicions show, the last thing he wants to do is accuse Tony of something he hasn’t done. “I’m so glad you’re back, I thought I was going to die!” Tony sighs dramatically as he gets up and starts walking towards the kitchen.

“Yes, in the 10 minutes it took me to get home you could have died from starvation.” Steve sympathises, Tony grins at him from the fridge grabbing two beers and popping the caps.

Steve starts laying the food out on the coffee table as Tony makes his way over, drinks and cutlery in hand. He settles onto the left side of their three-seater couch and Tony sits next to him on the centre cushion placing the beers on the table and handing Steve a fork. “How was it? Did you get all of your stuff, or had he turned it into a shrine?” Tony asks playfully, nudging Steve’s shoulder with his own.

Steve huffs out a breath, glad he’d already swallowed the beer he was drinking “I don’t get why you two never liked each other.” He shakes his head while he says it.

“Well, I can’t speak for him, but I think you can do better” Tony says with a shrug whilst not taking his eyes off the blank T.V. screen in front of him, he reaches for the remote and switches to a natural history channel then starts picking at the food laid out in front of him.

Steve wants to ask for clarification but his thoughts stumble, not over what Tony said but _how_ he said it. He shakes his head lightly, as if the thought will disappear with the action, maybe he’s reading too much into everything given his earlier potential revelation.

 _Now would be the perfect time to ask for an explanation,_ he can’t quite bring himself to say the words, but the thought niggles like an itch at the back of his mind.

“I liked him” Steve shrugs, ignoring his inner turmoil. “I thought he liked me, I guess I was wrong” his tone is more self-deprecating than he would have liked, but it’s out there now and he’s slightly intrigued as to how Tony will respond. _If he jumps to my defence, maybe James was right_ he reasons, _or maybe he’s just a good friend who doesn’t like you talking shit about yourself_ the second voice sounds so much like Tony that he glances across to make sure it wasn’t.

“Well you do have impeccable taste” Tony says evenly flicking his eyes in Steve’s direction and flashing a smirk.

“I don’t know about that, I’ve made some questionable choices in the past” he responds in the same dry tone.

Tony barks out a laugh and demands “Name one.”

“I moved in with you” Steve says with as much distaste as he can muster around his grin.

“Best decision you ever made” Tony looks at him then “look at the fun we’re having” he spreads his arms wide, a look of false enthusiasm taking over his features.

“This is fun. We’re watching” he pauses to glance at the screen “whatever this is. We’re talking and eating, what more do you want.”

Tony looks at him then, a curious expression on his face “I can think of a few things,” He then adds quietly “or just one.”

Steve almost misses the last part, but when it registers he decides he has to ask, “What’s the one thing?” He keeps his tone as neutral as he can, his heart rate picks up a little though.

“What? It’s nothing, it was a joke” He says it too quickly for it to be genuine, Steve can see the panic in his eyes as they flit away.

“Don’t do that” Steve implores, Tony looks at him, trying to convey confusion but all Steve can see is the panic. “Don’t pretend it meant nothing, you clearly meant _something._ ”

Tony sighs heavily and puts his head in his hands, he makes to stand up, but Steve stops him with a gentle hand on his leg, a little farther away from the knee than he’d intended.

Tony’s breath catches and he slumps back into the couch, inadvertently moving Steve’s hand higher up his leg. Neither one of them makes an effort to move it. _This is it_ Steve thinks, _the moment that makes or breaks us._

“You wanna move your hand there, Romeo?” Tony says after a short while glancing at Steve with a raised eyebrow. His arms are now loosely folded across his chest though to Steve they still manage to look tense.

“Do you want me to?” Steve asks wryly, or tries to at least, his voice catches and he knows Tony noticed.

Tony does stand then and starts to walk toward their kitchen. “What are you doing Steve? Testing me?” He sounds angry now and maybe a little scared.

“That wasn’t my intention” Steve says _or maybe it was._

“Really? ‘Cause you’ve been acting weird since you got back” Tony’s pacing now, a stuttering circuit between from the fridge to the sink and back.

“Tony just, come and sit down… please” Steve ~~begs~~ asks calmly.

“What did he say to you?” the question throws Steve and it takes him a second to realise Tony’s talking about James.

“How do you know he said anything?” Steve responds with his own question.

“Because every time I saw him he made comments about me manipulating you and accused me of being in love with you.” Tony says in disgust, his arms waving as he continues to fidget in the kitchen.

Steve knows he has to ask. “Are you?”

“What?” Tony stops pacing for a second and glances in the direction of the couch, though he misses Steve entirely.  “Manipulating you or in love with you?”

“Either?” Steve tries to make eye contact, but Tony won’t stay still long enough “or both?” He finishes quietly.

Tony makes his way back to the living area with his eyes fixed firmly on the ground. His shoulders slump and there’s an air of defeat about him.

“Yes” that’s all he says as he turns towards the hallway that leads to his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Steve have a serious conversation... sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter folks. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it.

Steve follows Tony down the hall, he’s not quite fast enough to stop the door from closing in his face though.

“Tony, you didn’t really answer my question” he says whilst pushing against the door to see if it’s locked, to his surprise it opens easily.

“I kinda did” Tony’s sat on the end of his bed leaning his elbows on his knees with his head in his hands, “what more do you want from me?” he lays back, keeping his feet on the floor and letting his arms fall to his sides.

 _At least he’s not trying to hide anymore,_ Steve makes his way into the room and stands opposite the bed, leaning faux casually against Tony’s tall dresser. “How about some honesty?” he puts his hands in his pockets and crosses his legs at the ankle.

“What difference does it make?” Tony sounds resigned to fact they’re having this conversation.

“If you’re in love me with me” Steve shrugs nonchalantly, “I can deal with that.” _I think,_ he adopts a firm tone as he continues “If you’ve been playing me the whole time we’ve known each other, that’s gonna be a little harder to swallow.” Tony continues staring up at the ceiling, as if it holds all the answers.

Tony offers no response, but Steve thinks he sees him close his eyes in defeat, although it’s hard to tell from his current position. After nearly a minute of almost-awkward silence Steve makes the decision to ask the question that’s been bugging him since he arrived home “What happened that night in the bar?”

Tony props himself up on his elbows and peers at Steve in what seems to be genuine confusion “What night in what bar?”

“When you called me, high as kite and asked me to come get you?” Steve says as if it’s obvious, he doubts Tony doesn’t remember but he’s willing to concede that it might not be as pivotal a moment as he believes.

Realisation dawns slowly across Tony’s face, and if Steve was less invested in the answer he might have found the change amusing “I wasn’t high” Tony’s answer is laced with so much conviction that Steve struggles to not believe him.

“OK. So, what was it, you were clearly more than drunk.”

Tony takes a second to respond, _he’s gonna lie to me_ Steve recognises the look on his face this time and wonders if he has the patience to deal with this. “I told you that night, I was roofied” Tony collapses back down, his head bouncing off the mattress a little with the impact, he’s avoiding eye contact and sounding a lot less convincing than a moment ago.

“Bullshit, you were fine as soon as we got home” Steve’s patience, as it turns out has a higher threshold than he thought, he manages to keep from shouting or sounding too angry.

Steve knows that Tony knows he’s been caught out, he still makes one last valiant attempt at sticking to his story “I must have flushed my system when I threw up.” It comes out as more of a question than he probably intended, and Steve decides he’s had enough.

“Tony, what happened?” Steve’s voice is soft and coaxing as he tries to get Tony to open up, _he must have had a reason for lying,_ he thinks desperately.

Tony mumbles something which sounds suspiciously like “I had a panic attack” Steve needs to be sure so asks him to repeat it.

Tony sits up fully and looks Steve in the eye, a look of determination on his face that Steve can’t help but admire.

“I had a panic attack ok!” His voice is high and tight like the admission is being dragged out of him, but he continues anyway, “I don’t know what brought it on, one minute I’m sitting at the bar talking to some guy about _something,_ the next the whole worlds out of focus and I can hardly breath. I stumbled to the bathroom and I called you.” Tony finishes breathlessly and the fight drains out of him.

“Why?” Steve can’t help but ask, even though he’s sure he should be focusing on the part about Tony having panic attacks and not mentioning it, _ever._

Tony’s response comes too quickly to be genuine, “I thought I was gonna throw up.” Steve’s sure he deliberately misunderstands, though whether that’s because he doesn’t want to answer or just because he can, is still up for debate.

 _Idiot_ he thinks fondly and clarifies to avoid the cycle repeating, “Why did you call _me_?” He stands up straight and removes his hands from his pockets and crosses them lightly against his chest as he waits for Tony’s answer.

“Because I knew you’d come.” Tony states, like it’s an absolute truth.

Steve wants to move, to be closer to Tony, but he doesn’t know if he’d be entirely welcome in his space yet, so he stays still, though it takes great effort. “Rhodey would have picked you up, in fact I can think of a lot of people who would. So why me?”

Tony’s head drops to his chest, probably in the hopes that his response will go unheard, “I feel safe with you.”

Steve’s priority right now is discovering if Tony is a manipulative little shit or if he’s just a clueless idiot, so in an attempt to catch Tony off guard he decides to change the subject slightly. If the answer is what he ~~hopes~~  thinks it is then he can deal with the rest later.

“Ok so we’ll definitely be talking about _that_ later.” He says pointedly, Tony opens his mouth to respond but Steve cuts him off, “Why didn’t you tell me you were in love with me?”

Steve expects Tony to be deliberately obtuse or try to deny it, but his response comes almost immediately. “Cause you were with James.” _Not so predictable after all,_ Steve thinks, trying not to let a smile escape.

The urge to smile fades when Tony’s words register and is replaced with confusion and disbelief. “We’ve known each other over 5 years” there’s incredulity in Steve’s tone but he finds himself unbothered, “I was with James for less than one.”

Tony seems embarrassed at having this pointed out to him and admits timidly “I didn’t realise until it was too late.”

Steve throws his arms up and lets them settle in his hair as he holds his head and tries to keep calm, he raises his voice slightly, though more in disbelief than anger. “How can you not realise you’re _in love_ with someone?”

Tony takes a moment to wriggle his way up the bed and rest against the headboard before countering, “I knew I loved you, I just didn’t know it was _love_.” He sounds bored to Steve though that could be deliberate.

 _Thanks for the clarification,_ Steve thinks sardonically, mentally rolling his eyes, he’s beyond exasperated at this point and struggling to _understand how Tony could not know he was in love_. He moves his arms down to his side as he asks for further explanation and tries to keep from shaking Tony to get a straight answer.

“I love you like I love Rhodey.” Tony says with a shrug whilst his hands fiddle with the hem of his t-shirt.

That throws him a little, but he manages to stay on topic, “Ok… but you’re not in love with Rhodey?” He didn’t intend for it to come out as a question or sounding so small but the thought that Tony _is_ in love with Rhodey makes him uncomfortable, he’s not sure why.

“A little bit.” Tony indicates the tiny amount by raising his left hand with the forefinger and thumb barely separated by air. He looks slightly ashamed as he says it and Steve finds that he’s glad, but again the reason for his response escapes him.

“What?” _I sound like a broken record,_ he thinks self-deprecatingly, and waits with baited breath for Tony to explain.

“Well, I just…” Tony start speaking then stops to gather his thoughts, he continues after a moment, sounding assured, “nothings ever gonna happen with Rhodey, he’s not interested in guys and I know that, so I don’t think about it” he trails off, but Steve can tell he’s not done, so he waits, albeit slightly impatiently,  “but if he _was_ interested I’d be first in line.” He smiles up at Steve then, it’s the first time he’s made eye contact in what seems like forever and this time it’s Steve that ducks his head.

 _Why does that hurt to hear?_ He wonders solemnly. He pushes himself forward slowly and steps closer to the bed, “Ok for arguments sake let’s say I understand your logic” he sits on the end of the bed, his left leg tucked under him, so he can face Tony without crowding him, “how is it different with me?” Steve’s pretty sure he knows the answer, but a part of him needs to hear Tony say it so he can be sure.

Steve feels a shift in the air and knows this moment is going to be pivotal to his and Tony’s relationship, no matter the outcome of this impromptu heart to heart, and recalls a line he heard in a movie once that he feels pretty much sums up this encounter ‘ _why is it that any one decision seems too small to be the biggest decision of your life?’,_ his lip quirks upwards at the thought and he hopes Tony won’t question his facial gymnastics as he tries not to get ahead of himself.

“I was jealous when you got with James” that’s the response Steve had expected and he’s relieved that he hasn’t misread the situation entirely.

He releases the tension that had snuck its way into his shoulders and feels himself lighten. He wants to keep the conversation going so that he has more time to decide how he feels about the fact that Tony’s in love with him, so he adds to Tony’s statement, “And you’ve never been jealous of Rhodey’s girlfriends?” It’s not really a question, Tony would have told him if he had any ill feelings about any of the women Rhodey’s been involved with. Steve only ever remembers him being happy that his friend was happy.

“Exactly! I just want him to be happy and _I_ can’t be that for him so…” He cuts himself off, but Steve gets the point.

“But you can with me, except I was with someone else when you realised you wanted it to be you?” That is a question, but Steve thinks he gets it now, the moment of clarity hits him like a high-speed train and he wonders when he became so oblivious to his own feelings.

“Oh good, you do understand” Tony says drolly, he’s smiling though, and Steve knows everything will work out, whatever happens.

 _I get it now,_ he thinks, what he says is “You’ve been single the whole time I’ve known you.”

Tony looks offended, “Thanks for pointing that out.”

Steve chuckles lightly and allows the smile he’s been fighting to take over his features, “No idiot, I mean… I’m in love with you.” He doesn’t expect Tony’s face to fall when he makes this declaration, but that’s exactly what happens.

“I’m sorry. What?” It’s not the reaction he’d hoped for, but Tony sounds confused rather than angry or worse, and he can understand that, so he says it again.

“I’m in love with you”

“Ok rewind” Tony moves to sit cross legged at the top of the bed and Steve hopes it isn’t because he’s trying to get away from him, “when did you realise this?” Tony sounds like he doesn’t believe him and that’s when it dawns on Steve that he hasn’t really explained himself, like at all.

In a bid to rectify the situation he tries to explain “Around the time you said that you’re in love with Rhodey” he can see on his face that Tony’s still having a hard time with it, so he tries to offer some reasoning, “I’m jealous.” He’s trying to hide the fact that his heart is about to beat out of his chest and hopes that his voice doesn’t give away how nervous he is.

“I think I’m having a stroke” Tony declares dramatically.

“Can you take this seriously, we’re having a moment” Steve implores, though he quite likes that neither of them has made this into an intense _thing._

“Is that what this is?” Tony questions sceptically as Steve turns further onto the bed to mirror Tony’s position.

“Tony, I’m in love with” Steve wants to say it again, just because he can and also because it usually takes a few goes for information like this to stick with Tony.

He’s interrupted before he can finish, _rude,_ he thinks, “Yeah you said that already, I’m just struggling to understand you’re reasoning” _Ah,_ Steve thinks, _fair enough._

Steve speaks slowly, as if talking to a special kind of moron “When you said you’re in love with Rhodey, it hurt.” He looks at Tony expectantly but all he gets in return is blank look.

“Ooookay” Tony drags the word out and motions for Steve to continue.

 _I’m gonna have to spell it for him,_ Steve takes a second to think of the best way to express himself and finally settles on the truth, “I don’t want you to be in love with him. I want you to be in love with me.”

“So, you’re possessive, that’s good to know” Tony says this lightly with a smile and Steve is 98% sure he’s messing with him, so decides to cut straight to the chase.

“Are we gonna keep bickering about this or are you gonna let me kiss you” Steve returns Tony’s smile and Tony sits up on his knees and shuffles closer, mumbling either to himself or to Steve, “I like the bickering it’s much less complicated, which is saying something when you reall…”

Steve kisses him, partly to shut him up and partly because he really wants to. It’s not the most passionate kiss in the world, it could barely be classed as open-mouthed but Tony and Steve both seem a little shaken by it.

True to form Tony speaks almost before they’ve stopped “So that happened” he rests his forehead against Steve’s and sighs in contentment.

“Yeah it did” Steve’s voice is unbearably soft, and he can’t help feeling like this was always meant to happen despite only just realising it was something he wanted.

Tony leans back a little to look at Steve but his hands move to Steve's thighs to maintain contact. “Is this gonna be a thing now?” Tony starts, “the kissing I mean, the bickering was always a thing.” He mutters the last part more to himself, Steve finds his incessant talking kind of adorable, but he doesn’t need Tony to know that, so he adopts a put-upon tone to respond.

“Will it stop you from talking constantly?” He can’t seem to stop smiling and it’s obvious from his voice that he doesn’t mind in the slightest. Tony takes the bait anyway and smiles roguishly, his voice serious as he says “I don’t know, it might, you’d probably have to try it more than once to gath…”

Steve kisses him again, just a press of lips before pulling back as if to make a point, “er any usable data” Tony continues as if he hadn’t been interrupted and Steve can’t help but laugh.

“You’re something else you know that” he can’t help saying.

“Can’t I just be yours?” Tony says quietly, with a hint of vulnerability.

“Yeah” Steve’s smile widens and he can’t stop the rush of love that floods him and wonders how the hell he didn’t notice it before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote.  
> In case anyone's wondering they lived happily ever after and learned to communicate like functioning adults should.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you had fun, leave a comment letting me know either way, if you wish to do so. This is my first time publishing so please be kind, if you can't be kind at least be constructive. Thanks again.


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